Tuesday, 14 July 2015

The Moron Family Take A Summer Vacation! Be Careful!

The Moron Family Take A Summer Vacation!

I’m on my way home from a nice Saturday afternoon ride.   This time of year the only road into town, a fun corner filled two-lane, is filled with people on vacation.  I’m following a car that’s just signalled to make a right hand turn onto a side road.  The car gets as far over to the right as possible to allow traffic behind him to keep going without stopping.  So far, so good.  As I’m passing this car to the left, the car behind me passes me on the left, going into on-coming traffic.  Seeing the “error of his ways” the driver proceeds to cut me off getting back into the correct side of the road before being hit head on.  Needless to say I’m mad!

After getting my heart rate down to sub-humming bird speed and shouting a few choice words into the wind, I saw that the Moron was not from these parts and was probably on his way to the coast to see what real waves look like.  The license plate indicated this particular breed of Moron was from the “flat land” and would morph into a wimp once he hit the mountain corners.  I would get my chance to show him how I felt about being cut off. 

Sure enough, Mr. Moron couldn’t handle the twisties and was now going slower than some people walk.  At the next safe passing area I pulled beside Mr. Moron, gave him a “nice” wave and with a shake of my head and a twist of my right wrist I became a dot in Mr. Moron’s view.

Summer is the best time to ride because it’s warm and dry (usually).  It’s also the most dangerous because the Moron family goes on vacation this time of year and it’s a big family. 

Members of the Moron family are easy to spot.   

They drive like there’s no one else on the road but them.   

The turn signals on their car are in mint condition as they are seldom used.   

Members of the Moron family drive like they have a spastic right leg.  Fast, slow, fast, slow, slow, fast...  If you’re on a two lane they’ll drive slowly until they reach a passing lane and then accelerate like they’re in the NHRA finals.  Of course they hit the brakes when the lane ends and someday I’m sure a drag shoot will be deployed.   

Great on the straights but limited cornering ability...

Speaking of brakes, they’re the most used part on their car as they’ll slow down or stop without warning if something that even remotely resembles a vacation photo op comes up.   

Moron Family photo op...

Morons also have the bad habit of trying to smoke, talk on their cell, scratch their (use your imagination) and drive at the same time.  Too bad part of the Moron family trait is not being able to do two things at once.  It’s in the genes.

Members of the Moron family can also be found on foot.  They’re the people who dash out in the road to take a picture or run across the road to hit up the ice cream stand.  Did I mention they also like to walk down the middle of the road?  

Unfortunately a few members of the Moron family ride motorcycles but natural selection keeps their numbers small.  They’re also easy to recognize.  Shorts, flip-flops and tank top are their safety gear.  They also have a size and space discrimination issue as they love to get as close as possible to the large vehicle in front of them or cut in between two larger vehicles.  They're oblivious to the consequences of being hit by something larger then them. 

Finally, watch out for the Moron Family caravan.  They're driving the fleet of rental RV Motor Homes in covered wagon formation.  Having never driven anything larger then a Prius, they get the idea to rent a mid-sized cargo truck outfitted as a vacation home and hit the road.  For some reason they choose the route with the tightest corners and steepest cliffs to practice. 

If you have a credit card with a big enough limit anything is possible...

Summer riding season is great, however be on the lookout for members of the Moron family.  Don’t let their vacation ruin yours.

Gerald Trees
Dream Your Ride

No comments:

Post a comment